I lost my love

I lost my love the other day. She turned out to be but a figment of my imagination... destined to dissipate in the light of truth. I did not mourn the loss. Wings bore me to heaven and back to be free of her...

I met a beautiful woman today. Her eyes sparkled, her movement captivated, her breath whispered love to my heart... I found in her soul the evidence of a new beginning and a new hope... 
 
They wore a familiar face... but a transformed countenance. They bore the same beauty... but a different attraction.

I am forever changed for witnessing her death and resurrection and for discovering the hope captured within her narrative.

Could it be that she has lost her love as well? Could it be that she has found evidence of God's hand working in the heart of a new man? Could it be that she might also meet the new man in the old?

The Truth

My Dad's birthday is approaching. I find myself thinking of him every year at this time, as well as around the time of his passing.

The following is something I wrote after a vivid and disturbing dream of waking up in the middle of the night and seeing him standing in my room.

I was unable to post it in the past because of my insecurities.

I am done with insecurity... (as if it were that easy).

It is clearly not my best writing, and a remedial rythm at best, but it was an exercise of flushing out something that was corroding inside, and was not an overly artistic endeavor.

Perhaps you'll get something out of it... but it's Ok if you don't.



The Truth



I had hoped that if you came to me

Within the twisted darkness of my dreams

I’d have occasion to say the things

That I’ve only had the chance to sing

If I never get the chance again

I’ll offer this song up to the wind

Asking God to take the time

To send along these thoughts of mine



I think it’s time you knew the truth



When you came to me the other night

I had to catch my breath for fright

You’ve been gone more than a year

So how could you be standing there?

It didn’t take long to recognize

Tormented sorrow in your eyes

Guilt then made me turn away

But turning back I hoped you’d stay



So I could share with you the truth



I’m learning to live with the pain

Of knowing how last you spoke my name

You wondered why I hated you

What it was I wanted you to do

I never got the chance to say

I had long since offered you the Grace

Offered to me so long ago

And so important in turn for me to show



So you’d somehow know the truth




You gave to us the best you could

Raised us as you thought you should

Made more mistakes than we recall

Confusing Love with cold control

The hurt was real and raw and wrong

But that’s not the reason for this song

I wrote it from a heart that’s whole

Because I wish I’d let you know



That I have finally learned your truth



So here I am working to be

The opposite of what you were to me

Often more wrong than I am right

I will continue to fight the good fight

Breaking the cycle in my son

In hopes that once all’s said and done

There won’t be important things unsaid

Or any questions in his head



For he will have always known the truth

Wanna Be Rock Star

Admittedly, the stuff I write can tend to be a little dark... here is something a little lighter for the holidays... hope you enjoy...

Listen as you read along:



Wanna-be Rock Star


They always seem to have something to say to me
About how I’m lacking responsibility
My hairs too long, and I dress bad
And they say that my attitude makes them sad
I’ve tried everything to appease
But there’s always something else that’s wrong with me
A bum, a slob, a vagrant lot
But I’ve given them to date everything I’ve got


Still the choice I make
Is to ask to be forgiven
And when I feel that I might break
You give me the strength to keep right on livin’


It always seem to come around to you
You pick me up and brush me off no matter what it is I’ve gotten into
It’s always nice to know that someone loves you for who you are
And it’s always nice to know that someone loves a silly wanna-be rock star


They always seem to have some sort of plan for me
About how I can reclaim my dignity
I may be slow but I am telling you
There’s about a million other things I would rather do
I’ve tried everything to fit in
But they always end up in my face again
A loser, a child, not status quo
Cuz I wouldn’t take the leading part in their show


Still the choice I make
Is to ask to be forgiven
And when I feel that I might break
You give me the strength to keep right on livin’


It always seem to come around to you
You pick me up and brush me off no matter what it is I’ve gotten into
It’s always nice to know that someone loves you for who you are
And it’s always nice to know that someone loves a silly wanna-be rock star

Broken

Finished a rough draft of Broken and put it to a slide show video... for those of you who are Broken just like me...



Broken

Is it my fate to end up here?
Trapped in a fortress of my fears
A place of nightmares not of dreams
An endless cycle so it seems

Lost inside the dark, the cold
Stunned to find myself alone
Within the noise I thought was gone
Look for myself and now I’m found
Broken

Heart in one hand, life in the other
Hard to understand if I should even bother
Or leave the pieces where they lay
To be trampled as they may
Or once again be swept away
Broken


My world has been turned upside down
And left in pieces on the ground
Cliché or not that’s what it is
Another sorrow for the list

I’m staggered by the root thereof
And anxious to reclaim my love
The passing time that sets me free
Will by no means cause me not to be
Broken

Heart in one hand, life in the other
Hard to understand if I should even bother
Or leave the pieces where they lay
To be trampled as they may
Or once again be swept away
Broken


Lord I know you’re big enough
To heal the hurt, rebuild the trust
Within that faith I do believe
But frankly I could use relief

The fault is almost always mine
But it doesn’t feel that way this time
So I’m left begging You to start
Putting back together a heart
Broken

Heart in Your hand, life in the other
Hard to understand if I am worth the bother
Will You leave the pieces where they lay
Let them be trampled as they may,
Or allow me to be swept away
Broken?

Heart in one hand, life in the other
Hard to understand if I should even bother
Or leave the pieces where they lay
To be trampled as they may
Or once again be swept away
Broken

The Sad In the Man

As I experience my son's childhood, I am reminded of my own, and specific moments that have never left me. He is the catalyst for so much of what I have faced and continue to face within myself...

I dedicate this to all of those fathers who have made it their mission in life to break the cycle and leave a legacy of love and strength to their children, and many generations to come... in spite of the battle that rages inside...


The Sad In the Man


He can understand
The outstretched hands
Of the child who wants to play

For there’s something blue
About a balloon
Drifting far, far away

Thru clouded eyes
He can empathize
With why the child laments

For when said and done
He’s the one
That released it without intent

And he wonders why he has days like these
When it’s clear that others don’t
Or why he’s prone to melancholy
Finding sorrow where others won’t

He’d like to be bold, the source of fun
The man everyone enjoys
But truth be told when said and done
The sad in the man is the boy


He’ll feel the ache
For pity’s sake
Of a child who yearns for flight

For it’s a maudlin thing
The broken wing
Of a useless, earth-bound kite

He can surely share
The worried care
In a child’s attempts to mend

For it was he
On misplaced knee
That caused the canvas mount to rend

And he wonders why he dwells on such
While the world moves blissfully on
Or why he contemplates too much
The darkest moments before the dawn

Now feeling old, he finds he’s one
Who lacks for mirth’s employ
And truth be told when said and done
The sad in the man is the boy


Yearning for and who can wrap
Their arms around his inner child
One day he’ll climb in his Father’s lap
And trade his tears in for a smile

As time unfolds, the race is run
Where there’s still a hope for joy
For truth be told when said and done
The sad in the man is the boy

Hell and Back

Here's a new song my writing partner Jeff Falke and I are working on...

Sometimes when we are going through something awful, we tend to think we are the only ones going through it... when often times, those that we love are going through it right along with us...

If you would like to hear the music for this song, just click play:



I haven't recorded the vocals yet, but when I do, I'll get that version up.


Hell and Back


I don’t want to be the reason why
You have to turn your head away and cry

I don’t want to be the one you see
When your heart is filled with misery

I don’t want to be the one you know
When the consequence won’t let you go

Don’t want to keep making you sad
Erasing all the joy and love we’ve had


It’s a time that has come… and it will go
Just to find that our love has only grown
Even though this thing that we’ve been through
Is the hardest thing I’ve had to do
I may have been to hell and back my luv… but so have you


I don’t want to keep on thinking of
The things that make me fear and doubt our love

I don’t want to keep reliving pain
Or waste my time trying to place the blame

I don’t want to be the one to say
The kinds of things that darken up your day

I don’t want to be wearing you out
O’er things there’s nothing we can do about


It’s a time that has come… and it will go
Just to find that our love has only grown
Even though this thing that we’ve been through
Is the hardest thing I’ve had to do
I may have been to hell and back my luv… but so have you


It’s a time that has come we’re watching go
Already finding our love has only grown
Even though this thing that we’ve been through
Is the hardest thing we’ve done, it’s true
We may have been to hell and back my luv… but I love you

We may have been to hell and back my luv… but I still love you

Heartbreak for Hello

For my Luv and my Father


Heartbreak for Hello


She has a way of giving me a shove
Offering me a warmer place to go
And She gives me love
Even when I’m guilty of
Trading her heartbreak for hello

She won’t stop, she won’t concede
She’s seen a better part of me
She holds on and she holds out
Hoping soon I’ll figure it out

She didn’t claim it would be easy
She never said that we would coast
She would say
That there’d be days
When the wind was going to blow

She vowed to never leave me
A solemn promise to never go
Even when I'd turn away
And coldly trade
Her heartbreak for hello



He has a way of calling from above
Offering undeserved grace, I know
And He gives me love
Even when I’m guilty of
Trading Him heartbreak for hello

He won’t give up, He won’t concede
He’s made the better part of me
He holds on without a doubt
Aware He’s got it all worked out

He didn’t claim it would be easy
He never said that I could coast
He’d provide a way
Amidst the days
The storm winds start to blow

He promised He’d never leave me
And that He would never let me go
Even when I run away
and unfairly trade
Him heartbreak for hello



I have a way of hurting the ones I love
While I take a little too long to grow
Somehow they give me love
Even when I’m guilty of
Trading them heartbreak for hello