About Me

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Singer/Composer/Writer married to an extremely beautiful and loving wife, with 2 gorgeous girls in college and the sweetest little boy, (6 yrs old). If you're a fan, check out both my blogs, "Melancholy Meanderings" and "Love and Other Bruises".

The Truth

My Dad's birthday is approaching. I find myself thinking of him every year at this time, as well as around the time of his passing.

The following is something I wrote after a vivid and disturbing dream of waking up in the middle of the night and seeing him standing in my room.

I was unable to post it in the past because of my insecurities.

I am done with insecurity... (as if it were that easy).

It is clearly not my best writing, and a remedial rythm at best, but it was an exercise of flushing out something that was corroding inside, and was not an overly artistic endeavor.

Perhaps you'll get something out of it... but it's Ok if you don't.

The Truth

I had hoped that if you came to me

Within the twisted darkness of my dreams

I’d have occasion to say the things

That I’ve only had the chance to sing

If I never get the chance again

I’ll offer this song up to the wind

Asking God to take the time

To send along these thoughts of mine

I think it’s time you knew the truth

When you came to me the other night

I had to catch my breath for fright

You’ve been gone more than a year

So how could you be standing there?

It didn’t take long to recognize

Tormented sorrow in your eyes

Guilt then made me turn away

But turning back I hoped you’d stay

So I could share with you the truth

I’m learning to live with the pain

Of knowing how last you spoke my name

You wondered why I hated you

What it was I wanted you to do

I never got the chance to say

I had long since offered you the Grace

Offered to me so long ago

And so important in turn for me to show

So you’d somehow know the truth

You gave to us the best you could

Raised us as you thought you should

Made more mistakes than we recall

Confusing Love with cold control

The hurt was real and raw and wrong

But that’s not the reason for this song

I wrote it from a heart that’s whole

Because I wish I’d let you know

That I have finally learned your truth

So here I am working to be

The opposite of what you were to me

Often more wrong than I am right

I will continue to fight the good fight

Breaking the cycle in my son

In hopes that once all’s said and done

There won’t be important things unsaid

Or any questions in his head

For he will have always known the truth


Greg said...

Loved it, Paul. You are a great wordcrafter (even when you say it's not your best work). And it's so great that God gives us chances (even when we feel we've lost/missed some) to right wrongs, and break cycles. I'm pretty sure Lakelan does know the truth! :)

Rick Melvin said...

You never give yourself enough credit. To me, this shows the lessons learned & the love you always wanted to share. The love that you show your son in a way that you never received it yourself. Perhaps the phrasing isn't your best but it's from the heart & you can't go wrong by that.